Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
