he thought i was a dude.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ok first of all what the fuck
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
