do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He shit in the fireplace
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