My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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