ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
