yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
