And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
