Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
