Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
