I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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