i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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