cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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