I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dear god my vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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