mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
