I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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