I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I touched a dick in church today
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
