Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
