I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
two words: eviction party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
