I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
