Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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