His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
