oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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