i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
