TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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