I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
