a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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