It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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