She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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