My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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