If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
