My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
