Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
