I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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