Who wears a wallet chain?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
