You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
