every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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