you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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