hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
