I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
