I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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