you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
