I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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