So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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