but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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