he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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