I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
