her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
