John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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