There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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