Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
