New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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