Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
