do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
