It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
