Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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