Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
